Have you been feeling like you can’t fully live in the moment and be happy because you keep thinking about things that happened in the past? Learn how to move away from the things that are weighing you down and step into the life you desire as David Adelson interviews Bethany Perry to share several solutions to help us enjoy and love ourselves more as well as our lives. Bethany is the owner and founder of InnerSource Health & Wellness. She is well-known as an emerging thought leader in combining the power of neuroscience, nutrition, mindfulness, and yoga. Here, Bethany lets us on some gentle steps to eliminate the negative self-talk we hear about, but we don’t know what to do. She also teaches how to list the lies, eliminate them in our lives, and then move from fear to a place of love. This conversation may be longer than usual, but it sure is well worth the listen because it addresses healing relationships and self-love. What is more, Bethany gives away a meditation for releasing fear and receiving love. So take a deep dive into this episode as you learn how to love yourself and your life more!
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How To: Love Yourself (And Your Life!) More With Bethany Perry
My guest is a dear friend, Bethany Perry. She’s going to show you several solutions to help you enjoy yourself more and enjoy your life more. You sent me a list of three things you were going to tell us. Tell people what they can expect before the end of the show.
Step number one will be learning some gentle steps to eliminate the negative self-talk that we hear about, but we don’t know what to do. We’ll be learning how to list the lies and eliminate lies from our lives. Also, how to move from a state of fear to a place of love.
Thank you for being here. It’s a great pleasure to spend time with you always. You have all kinds of letters after your name. I don’t know what any of them mean. What is CAN? Does that mean you’re from Canada?
I did study in Canada. It’s the Center for Applied Neuroscience.
What is AAE?
The Amen Affiliated Educational Center. I’m affiliated with Dr. Daniel Amen.
You then have an IAHC.
International Association of Health Coaches. I am a life, health and brain coach.
What’s the ERYT?
Experienced Registered Yoga Teacher.
Anything else you want to add?
I don’t know probably a lot, but that’s good.
Bethany is an emerging thought leader on combining the power of neuroscience and intuition. She transforms the lives of women and men, who are challenged with emotional and physical traumas dedicating many years of her life’s work to helping people heal and grow by creating a non-judgmental space, where each individual can discover freedom from the past to live the life they desire. That’s fabulous because one of the big things that people do often is instead of enjoying the moment, they’re busy making sure that they’re carrying the weight of everything from the past, particular, the mistakes, the guilt, the remorse, and the regret on their shoulders. Instead of noticing what’s in front of them, they’re busy checking to make sure I haven’t forgotten that I made this mistake in the past. I’ve got that on my shoulder too.We are hard on ourselves because we have been taught and trained to beat ourselves up every single day. Click To Tweet
I want to talk about the Peace and Harmony Company, which sponsors this program. What we do at the Peace and Harmony Company is we create quantum infused and unified field infused programs, techniques, processes, CDs, DVDs, downloadable MP3s or video programs, drops. You can take all kinds of different healing modalities that are all designed to be completely effortless. Take almost no time at all, because we’re all busy. We all have so much to do that we don’t need to add one more thing. All of these are designed at the quantum and unified field level to transform your life into the best possible way. We’ll talk more about that as we go, but check out PeaceAndHarmonyCo.com. It will be worth your while.
Let’s talk about eliminating negative thoughts and self-talk. I want to bring this up. When I first started creating this quantum and unified field program, a lot of this is through guidance, intuition, my connections with everything and understanding the process of how creation emerges from the unified field. Several steps more happened. You get to the quantum field, a lot more stuff happens and then it’s like from the bottom of the ocean, more and more stuff until you get to the world. One of the things that came up was a piece of art that you look at and its thoughts that matter.
One might say an abstract piece of art but what it is, it uses color and white space to shift in the awareness, what thoughts are important. It’s under $100, but there are many programs like that that we have, but you have a technique that might work for people. I want to point out that one of the goals of this show is to give people a lot of different ways to solve the same problem because the same thing doesn’t work for all of us. Let’s see the angle of the solution that you have because we’ve all been taught to hate ourselves. Fix it for us.
You’re going to fix it for yourself, but this is a simple technique. I’ll tell you what happens in the brain. First, I’m going to start from a science perspective. I always say I have one foot in the science world and the other foot in the whole woo-woo intuitive world. I love the blend of them because truly they are the same. When we have negative thoughts, it’s in our left brain. As you start reading this, you’re going to recognize that our left brain never stops talking. It’s always saying something. It will argue with itself. It will lie to itself. It will tell you all kinds of things that are not true and what happens because our oneness wants to be congruent. Our conscious mind and our unconscious mind want congruency. In time, if we say something negative to ourselves over and over, we begin to believe it so that there is a congruency within us. What we want to do is we want to listen to the negative things we say to ourselves. Pick the top five, pick the top ten and write them down.
When we write them down, every single time that we hear them, we take some time to say, “Here are the four questions you’re going to ask yourself.” Number one, “Is it true? It may or may not be. Whom would I be without that thought? How can I reframe it?” Once we reframed the thought, most of my clients, everybody I worked with, I have them write it down and have it on their phone, have it on pieces of paper all over. When that thought comes up, it’s a pattern in the brain. It’s a connection that we want to let the grass grow. We don’t want that pattern anymore and to do that, we’ll forget. Even though we spent a lot of time working on the new refrain that comes from our heart and our soul, it’s the truth. When we tell ourselves, we might need to check it out and go, “What do I need to say to myself?” We then say that to ourselves. In time that we’ve created in our brain, a new connection will be made and then we’ll be released of that particular negative thought. Calmer, but that’s okay. We know what to do now.
You said there were four steps.
As an example, I work with a lot of people who have serious anxiety. I have to own it if it becomes theirs. The first thing is don’t make it yours. Is it true? Do you have anxiety? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Who would you be without that thought? Who would the person become if they didn’t think that they had anxiety? How to reframe it is to say, “I have anxiety.” “I don’t have anxiety.” It’s like two ships passing. It doesn’t work that way and how any individual reframes it while you may need support around it, it’s going to be what works for you. What quiets the mind? What takes that negative thought and that left brain and goes, “There’s the answer?”
That’s three steps. What’s the fourth one? The third is to reframe it.
It’s yes and then, “Is it true?”
“Is it true?” is the second step.
The fifth step is doing it.
There was a book that I read. It was some guy who turned his business around and made it like the number two company in the country. It was huge at the time. He wrote a book and one of the things that he had listed was a process in the back of the book that you can go through for any problem that you have. The first question, it was this thing that you fill out. It was several pages and the first one, is it real? Then, how do you know it’s real? You have to document it. I know it’s real because my bank account is empty. I know it’s real because all I’m eating these days is peanut butter and jelly. He then goes on to say, “Who believes this? What would this solution be? Whose mind do you have to change to get the outcome that you want?” I love it because what you’re doing is the same thing. In more cases than not, the mind that we have to change is our own.
It comes from a space like when we think the left brain is always talking but who’s listening? It’s your heart and your soul. As you stated, we are hard on ourselves. We have been taught and trained to beat ourselves up every single day.
Is it true?
Yes, it’s true but does it have to be true? No.
There’s a whole generation coming up who don’t buy that, who is like, “I’m not going to hear that.” It’s one of the exciting things about the world.
When you said that, I thought of my oldest granddaughter who’s going through some of this with her dad. I think she knows who she is and she wants to say no to who they want to form her to be.
We have a generation that I am 1,000% for because these people are coming in and they are faced with extinction and other horrible things because of the people who have gone before them. When the people who have gone before them say, “You need to do it this way.” The first thing they say is, “Hold your horses, you messed up everything so whatever you’re presenting, that’s probably not the right way to do it.” There’s all this talk about it but I think this is the first of three-generational shifts that are going to change the face of the planet. I know big shifts are going on in everyone’s DNA and not the new people being born. There’re all kinds of powerful shifts happening on the planet.
It’s one of the ways to help that because if you look at the news, it’s crazy. It’s like, “Why be here? Can I hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy? Can I go somewhere else?” We don’t have to because we’ve created Peace Maker machines. In PeaceAndHarmonyCo.com, we have three different versions that are the size of a laptop because we start with one of the MacBook, either Air or MacBook Pro. We then completely changed them to be a broadcast tower of Peace and Harmony that dissolve stress and negativity and there are three different versions. The Peace Maker 10,000, which goes for that affects 10,000 people or 10 square miles, whichever comes first. The Peace Maker 15,000, which is 15,000 people or 15 square miles. The Peace Maker 30,000, which is 30,000 people or 30 square miles. We can make custom ones. These are quantum infused, unified field infused programs.
We have the technology now that can change things overnight and I think a lot of the new generation coming in is aware that there are better solutions and better ways to do things. I love that you’re presenting Bethany is, “Here’s a way for those of us who grew up with that, but also here are things that we can teach these new people coming up that can help them, which don’t even create these habits in the first place.”
Also, how to affect even with their friends and how to change their friend’s minds instead of the other way around.
A friend of mine was in line one Saturday morning in Post Office. She was watching a friend of her five-year-old daughter. The girl is trying to do somersaults, but she can’t do them. Every time she does one, she goes, “Too bad. Good try though. You’ll get it next time.” She’s doing this little evaluation of accepting that it wasn’t quite what she wanted, but then immediately being her own, but, “You’ll get it a champion.” Everybody in line is completely amused. This is what we want. The first technique they use. We don’t want to think, “We messed up, and.” What we want to do is, “That didn’t work. Let me try something else.”
I’ve always been an out of the box girl. I think you and had those conversations before. In some ways, I’m thankful to my mother who raised me within the box thinking so I could function in society through my school years, but that is taking the walls down, like, “Why do we need a box at all? Let’s get creative and take a look at who we are and not who our brain tells us.” The brain is a hamster. If you’ve ever spent the night in a room with a hamster, I don’t know if you’ve ever done that and if it has a wheel, it spins all night. That’s what goes on in that left brain. It spins and spins. We want to go, “Quiet.” That’s garner who we are, who were we meant to be? Why are we here? What is our role? What is our purpose? What is our passion? Let’s leave that.
There was this idea of the noise. Different types of meditation like TM and other types of meditation do help silence the mind. I specifically remember in the early twenties, late teens are walking down the street. There was the noise and I was like, “I want it to stop. Get the noise to go away.” After that, I did learn all these techniques, but what are the techniques that we have people do sometimes say, “Send your mind to the beach. You can keep talking, but I’m going to send you to the beach and not pay any attention and go do what I want to do.” You can get pretty good at that like you’re talking about cultural habits where anytime when that thing starts churning and saying stuff, “You’re at the beach. We’re not listening to you. It doesn’t matter what you say.”
It’s something that I love to say, particularly to people who are heady. People who are up here a lot of the time. They have trouble connecting down here. Going to the beach is a great idea. Remember, when you were a teenager and you wanted to take a megaphone and yell at your parents? You don’t want to yell at your mind, but you want to go to your heart and soul and let that be louder than your mind and say, “Sorry, I can’t hear you. The waves are noisy.”
I get that you want to be louder. What I like about your technique is because I have had those, and I’m sure a lot of people have had that frustrating experience where you’re want to scream your mind like, “Shut up. Let me nuke that process. Get out of here.” I have been less than kind to myself on many occasions not knowing other ways to shift things. The frustration of having to hear the same thing over and over again that may not be true. You can change the story. There’re many things that you can do to make a little shift. I love this gentle technique. Repeat it to make sure everybody gets it. The first thing is, is it true?
Those are two different answers because they won’t necessarily be the same.If we're judging ourselves, then, most likely, we're also judging others even when we're not aware. Click To Tweet
Let’s use an example for someone. Someone says they’re shy or they’re afraid to speak up. A lot of people aren’t even comfortable admitting that they have their truth. They’re not in tune with themselves to recognize. They know that, “I don’t necessarily agree with what’s going on around me,” but they’re not connected enough. Maybe they say, “I don’t know what I think about that.” Let’s start with that.
I don’t know what I think about that. Is it true? The first response might be, “It’s true. I don’t know what I think about that.” It might be, “No, it’s not true. I do know what I think.” Either way, it doesn’t matter what the answer is. There’s never any judgment on the answer. The next question, is it true? Regardless of how you answered it the first time you may answer it differently the second time.
I want to go into this example because I don’t know what I think about this. “Is that true?” “I don’t know if it’s true.” “Is it true?” “I have a feeling.” The question would not come up. It can be. “There was a man on the road. We drove by it and I don’t know what I think about that and it doesn’t matter.” Maybe it’s something political, having to do with society or our children, some policy that’s being propagated on us at work, something that our spouse or somebody is promoting to us. We want to be agreeable tell herself, “I don’t know what I think about that. I don’t have an opinion about that because I’m not making waves.” When we say, “I don’t know what I think about that,” but then when we say, “Is it true?” We go, “I don’t completely see eye to eye with what’s being presented. My view of it might be a little bit different.”
Often the second time we ask it, we moved from our mind and to our heart. Not always, but our heart will often answer the second question. If the question is, “I don’t know what I think about that.” The mind might immediately say, “That’s true. I don’t know what I think about that.” When you ask it again, “I do, but maybe I don’t want to say it, or maybe I don’t want to make waves.” Whatever the answer is, it might be a different answer. From there, who would I be without that thought?
I want to stay back with the second one for a little longer. I love this example of I don’t know what I think about that because when we say, “Is it true?” Verbally, we may not know because we haven’t bothered to explore it enough. As you’re saying, as we move from the head to the heart or the feeling level, we may be aware that we have some feelings about it. Something that might be uncomfortable or might be an area that we can bring more love to the situation because of the situation, maybe not wanting to make waves, maybe we were not in the habit of speaking up, or we’re not in a habit of acknowledging ourselves. We’ve been being ordered around for so long. We’ve given much power away.
A technique to make sure you take back your power is to stand up and say, “I take back any power I have knowingly or unknowingly given to anyone at any time.” Say that 2 or 3 times and that starts bringing your power back because we’ve been giving our power back to commercials and newscasters and teachers. We’ve been giving our power to all of these people around us all the time. How do I decide what car to buy? I look in consumer reports. Some people will buy it. There’s a Jerry Lewis movie from the ‘50s or ‘60s where he’s moving away and this older woman is his neighbor and she’s saying how much she’s going to miss him because he’s always been kind.
Every time there was a commercial on TV, he would run and get her whatever it was. This idea that “If there was a commercial, I have to buy it.” That’s not the case. One of the things we want to do is ask, “Is it true? I don’t know what I think about this. I don’t know what my opinion is.” We want to start waking up, even those quiet feelings within that maybe we’ve never allowed ourselves to explore before. This is a perfect opportunity Bethany, that you’re bringing up is, is it true? Something’s going on there, let me see what it is.
I agree. It sounds like a simple process and it can sometimes be quick, but other times, when we’re not overly connected to our emotions, which are in our body. All of our feelings are in our body and when we connect to that, we make we’re good at stuffing it down. It’s why many people emotionally eat is they don’t want to feel what they’re feeling. In that process, pausing long enough to feel and recognize and honor yourself for whatever it is that you feel regardless of what you’ve been told.
I love this nonjudgmental attitude on it because who is passing judgment on us most of the time? It’s us. We do it. Why do we bother? Where do we learn that? It doesn’t matter and you don’t need to. There’s a wonderful response that we tell people that we were talking on the program that we have the Mastering the Five Rules of The New Age. The responses that we have if we go to do something and the result that we get is not the result that we were shooting for and it’s not an accidental result that we love, we haven’t invented flubber or great super soap that makes millions and saves the day in somebody’s way. If it doesn’t go the way we want, a wonderful response is simply, “Oops.” We then move on to the next thing, try a different way.
I loved it when you spoke about that and I’ve already used it with some clients. We do judge ourselves all the time. If we’re judging ourselves, most likely, we’re also judging others even when we’re not aware. Energetically, that has a huge effect on our whole planet. When we begin to learn how to reframe our thoughts away from judgment, moving to allow, understanding and going, “We’re not perfect yet.” From there, recognizing that someone else may be in an oops moment and we don’t know that. It’s not our job to judge them. Our job is to love ourselves enough so that we can love others when they’re in that oops moment.
The interesting thing when you mentioned judgment, Bethany is we may be projecting that they’re having an upset moment when in fact they’re having one of their top ten experiences of their lives. That person goes, “We don’t have any idea.” I watched a TED Talk. It was talking about somebody who doesn’t procrastinate and his evaluation of people who do procrastinate. It was interesting because the guy would get things done months ahead of time, instead of waiting for procrastinators who wait for the last minute. He discovered that the most creative people are people who procrastinate, but not extreme procrastinators. He then started doing all this research. Somebody sitting there and going, “He’s lazy. He’s not working. I’m passing judgment that he’s okay.” There are many flavors to that. There are many layers of judgment. What do you first get when you think about that? “He’s not working. He’s lazy. He’s not accomplishing.” What’s your first immediate take on that?
Before there was ever an iCloud or the Cloud, I always used to go way back when I was fifteen, maybe fourteen that there’s a Bethany cloud because that’s where I go. When I’m sitting around and it appears as if I’m not doing anything, I am garnering a whole lot of information floating up. That was my first thought that it’s a beautiful place to be and I know all about being judged for going there.
I know this is a little bit controversial, but who said we have to be doing anything?
You may have been the first person to say that to me.
The interesting thing is that, is it true? The thing is that in different states of consciousness, waking, dreaming, and sleeping, and then there are higher states of consciousness. What is true in one is not true? What is true as culturally appropriate in one country may be completely inappropriate in another country. When we say, “Is it true?” That the trueness of it is isolated by, “Is it appropriate in this time and place of where and who I am now?” You have the neuroscience angle and then you have the intuition thing. I work with the unified field and quantum field so we look at, I have a body, who am I? Am I the body? Am I on the cellular level who’s thinking when you go to the Bethany cloud, where is that cloud in relation to who I am? As we keep refining and refining, the bottom line of everything is we’re fluctuations of the unified field fluctuating within itself of unbounded awareness. Who creates the rules? Who creates how the whole judgment? Buckminster Fuller in the ‘70s said that we had to let go of the paradigm that everybody had to work, because at that point in time, and what the technology was, he felt that only 1 in 10,000 people needed to work.
In the ‘90s, Neale Donald Walsch came out with Conversations with God in one of the first three volumes and I don’t remember which one. God says that the productivity level on the planet is such that only 1 in 100,000 people need to work for there to be enough clothes, food, shelter and everything that we could want. The truth is that these days, the number is not much different from that, but it’s a little bit. Who says you need to be doing something? What’s the purpose of your life? When we look at somebody, we say, “He’s not doing anything.” We’re passing judgment on that. The first thing we need to recognize is, “Who said you have to be doing something?”
Most likely he’s breathing. That might be good enough right there.
Here’s somebody who doesn’t do anything his whole life and then when he’s 80, before he dies, he writes a poem that inspires millions of people for the next 150 years.
I believe it is never for us to judge what someone is or isn’t doing. What they are thinking and even when that’s difficult because sometimes that’s difficult. Sometimes some things come up with people that we may be close to. Often your partner, there can be moments where that isn’t always easy to. You want to judge their thought because you want their thought to be yours. In reality, as we release that, we allow that cellular flow, we are all connected to the Bethany cloud, the quantum. As we allow ourselves to go and grow there, we’ll come back and we may have the same thought. We could do this simple process. Sometimes not simple. The answers will be different because we’re different. I would hope that over the years, our answers change or what we thought once that is far away, that we would never even think it again.
I’m going to say one of the exciting things is to cultivate, not caring, which is a simple way to not judge. I’m not saying don’t be compassionate, but let’s face it. I believe that more than 100% of people when they’re driving pass judgment on other drivers.
It’s a great place to practice.
When we were traveling in the ‘80s that I was working with this top executive in the TM organization one time. This was an older woman and her husband had been a Colonel in the military. In the military, the spouse of the officer gets the same status as the officer. Even when you’re the wife, you all have that ranking structure. I guess that’s appropriate in the military. We’re driving along and she’s used to getting things done. I guess she was a little tired and she had been doing phenomenal work for quite some time so I’m not surprised. We were driving into Chicago and on the interstate into Chicago, it seemed like it was six lanes going in each direction. We’re in the middle one. It’s traffic everywhere and somebody pulls in front of us. We’re going 75, 80 or whatever. The traffic was riled up. We were keeping up with the traffic and legal. We’re going this speed and doing fine and somebody pulled in front of us and she passed judgment but she said, “We’re farther behind. We won’t get there because somebody is going to beat us there.” I remember, she was tired and we knew it.
We were like, “It’s fine. We’re not going to go there.” I remember thinking, we don’t even know where he’s going. He’s probably not going to the hotel that we’re going to. He’s probably not pulling into the only parking place in front. The relationship of all this yet she had that thought and we do all the time. Somebody gets in front of us and we may be going exactly as fast as we want to go. How about this one? We’re in a hurry and somebody gets in front of us and they put their car in turtle mode?
When that happens to me, which it does often, it’s a good message. How I’ve learned to turn that around? It usually means that you need to be mindful. You’re going to get there but you’re going to be late. Maybe you’re supposed to be late and maybe that car that pulled in front of you and is going in turtle mode is getting you to pause and be more mindful instead of thinking way ahead in front of or being right where you are in the moment.
Christian Mickelsen, our friend, when he was giving a lecture talked about how he likes to drive fast. The car that he had one day, somebody got slow in front of him. He was getting out of shape about it and then they passed a police car. He realized that if the guy hadn’t gotten in front of him, he would have gotten a ticket. 911 in New York, there were a lot of people who were late for work that day. You know that they were freaking out trying to hurry and go to work. “Why am I being blocked? Who is this what’s happening with traffic? I got to get to work.” Unquestionably beating themselves up. “I’m not going to be there on time. Something bad is going to happen. I’m not a good person. I’m late.” Being late saved their lives. I want to spend a little time with this, and I’m grateful that you’re willing to, Bethany, is whatever is being presented, how can we turn it around? Which is the next point of your technique, is it true? How can we recast this experience or our interpretation of it in a way that supports us and serves who we want to be?
In reference to the car example, a good first step is how can I reframe it and who would I be without that thought is recognizing or thinking, have I ever cut anybody off? Have I ever hurried up in front of someone and then slowed down? Most of us have done that for A, we may not have even realized it. B, there might’ve been something big traumatic going on in our lives and we were in a hurry to get to the hospital or to whatever it might be. First of all, looking at ourselves and recognizing that we too have done such a thing and are we a bad person because of that? No. For whatever reason it happened, it’s oops and allowing that oops for them, or maybe it wasn’t an oops. Maybe it’s intentional. They’re getting in front of you because they have whatever reason. As we let go and give permission for others to be who they are, then that space gets created for love to fill. We are loving that person and we love ourselves. “Maybe I’m going to be late or maybe I’m going to use the quantum field, and I’m not going to be late no matter how many people come in front of me.”
One of my good friends, when I was living in Santa Monica, would go to the Dodger games. I don’t know how he did it. Some superpower or something. Everybody else would go like, “We’re leaving now. We want to get a good seat.” He goes, “I’m not leaving yet.” He would always arrive, park, walk-in, walk up to a seat, sit down, and within 90 seconds, the game would start. I saw him do this several times. He was like, “I’m not interested in sitting in the hot sun. I just want to watch the game. Why do I want to get there early?” He managed to manifest that ability to get there.Our job is to love ourselves enough so that we can love others. Click To Tweet
He created the space for himself because there was no worry or stress around it.
The idea is he never worried about getting there at 8:00. He wanted to get there at the perfect time for him. I think we’ve done a good job covering this. If people have questions, we’re going to give them ways to get in touch with you. Is there something you want to give to the people?
I have a gift because a lot of times we’re in a place of fear or we move into a state of fear for whatever reason. I created a meditation that is releasing the fear that we can move to love at BethanyPerry.com/Release-fear.
I want to cover other points, but this idea of these four things. I’m thinking something, is it true?
Who would I be without that thought?
Then recast it?
How do I reframe it?
This idea about the traffic is as we can stop judging ourselves by going, “Oops,” we can stop judging others by going, “So what?” or “Who cares?” Somebody cut me off in traffic. Somebody went through the light. Somebody blocked me from going through the light, whatever it is instead of bothering to, “What do I want to do now? What do I want to do at the moment?”
Who do I want to be? When we think about who we want to be, I would imagine most of us don’t want to be an angry jerk in a car, driving on the road. Leave that lower energy behind.
When we evaluate and when we go to other places where we talk about the whole process of creation. Some friends of mine and I were sitting at dinner one time in my apartment. I had known that the purpose of creation was the expansion of happiness. That was something that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who made me a TM teacher back in the ‘70s had said quite a lot in some of his works and stuff. I’ve been familiar with the purpose of creation is the expansion of happiness. This one evening, the Divine Mother said, “Unbounded awareness,” which is also the unified field of all the laws of nature, which we talk about here because everything comes from it but nothing exists within it. It’s a place that’s completely unmanifest and there’s no differentiation in it. It’s this field of energy of unlimited energy, unlimited intelligence. All the qualities exist, but not expressed within it. She said, “This field hears a rumor within itself that it has all possibilities within it and it goes, ‘What does that look like?’”
Creation then comes out. World War II comes out and unboundedness says, “What else can I do?” A glorious time, heaven on Earth comes out and unbounded awareness. No judgment says, “What else can I do?” It’s always, “What else can I do?” When we think about what our deepest and most significant role is as a being is it’s simple to experience. How do we want to experience to enjoy all of this being presented? The bottom line in any given moment is we have two choices.
We are either consciously or unconsciously making and when we go to make them, it makes all the difference in the world. The choices are who do I want to be at this moment, in this situation? What do I want to experience? No judgment is passed on your determination. You can decide that “I want to yell at my parents. That’s who I want to be at this moment. I want to express my independence. I want to express my frustration. I want to hit them with a toothpick because they did something to me at one point. I don’t want to hurt them bad, but I want to get them a little sting.”
I watched the James Stewart movie, Harvey, when I was a kid. I had no concept of liquor. I didn’t know anything about it. I did not understand that there’s a connotation about the man that everyone else may have imposed. I saw him as an incredibly sweet man. There’re some particular scenes that you can go on YouTube or watch the movie. He’s talking to somebody and he says, “When I was young, my mother used to say to me, ‘In this world, you have to be either, smart or pleasant.’” He said, “I spent the first 35 years of my life being smart. I recommend pleasant.” It’s sweet the way that he describes certain things and it’s that you can tell that at that moment, that expression, those words that he’s saying are giving him such delight. At one point, he says a phrase, “That’s a lovely phrase. With your permission, I’ll say it again.” It’s purely delightful.
There’s then everything in between at this moment, because we all have things that we define as good things or bad things that happen in our life, but we pass that judgment. Instead of passing judgment, we can add that layer of, “Who do I want to be in this circumstance? What do I want to experience?” The oops that we give other people is, “So what? You did that. That has nothing to do with me. Now that this is what the current moment is presenting to me, who do I want to be? What do I want to experience?” My sister used to have the best time ever swearing at other drivers. She thought it was her job when she learned to drive and she got into it. Years later, she was like, “That was a waste.” She loved doing it.
Solution two is we want to talk about lies. We all have a piece of art, which is called Lies into Truth in mythology. If there’s a Griffin around, which is a lion wing flying beast, you can’t speak untruth in the presence of Griffin. One of those pieces of art that we created was Lies into Truth. Would this allow untruths to be spoken? True changes in different states of consciousness. You have a technique that you learned that blends with your work. You want to go into what that is. It’s a solution number two.
This is a solution that takes a little bit longer. I learned it from Lisa Phillips. Taking even what we were speaking about before, we often lie to ourselves. The things that are deep-seated that we can’t seem to change. We don’t know what to do. We say it over and over and we heard it most likely over and over. Particularly for those of you who are reading that are journalists, get out your journal, get a pencil. Start listening to what those lies are or the things that you know are lies that you don’t know how to not feel judged by what you’ve been told. Write them down and leave space. Every day for 3 or 4 days, look at them. Once you’ve written, as many as you want to spend 3 or 4 days reading them and noticing them, feeling them being separate from them. Noticing them on the paper. Noticing what they are.
After 3 or 4 days sitting down and taking a pen writing down what the truth is, what is the truth? I was told that I was a squirrel. I was emotional. I was beaten up as a young girl for being emotional. I thought it was a bad thing. I felt incredibly judged for my emotions. Being emotional is bad. I need to change that. That might be a lie. The truth is it’s a gift because I feel I’m empathic. I feel other people’s feelings. I told them that giftedness creates a space. Not only for myself, but it creates a space for others. That might be what I write down in red or blue or purple, whatever your favorite color is. Then spend time with it.
You want to spend time. As you spend time with those answers, writing them, once you have the answers, and maybe you only have answered 2 or 3, and the rest are waiting because you’re not ready to answer them yet. Spend 3 or 4 days looking at the why and looking at the truth. When you’re deep in your soul go, “I get it. This is the truth. The truth is sure I’m emotional, but it’s such a beautiful gift. It’s not a horrible thing.” You then erase a lie and you live with the truth. It allows you to flow freely of who you truly are to help you become who you are meant to be instead of being held back by things that were said to you that aren’t serving you.
I love this idea of not serving you because when we think about what are the lies because we don’t sit down and say, “What are the lies about myself?” A good introduction is, what do I think about myself that causes me pain? What am I thinking about myself that I habitually think about that if I take a moment, it no longer serves me? Those are the things that I think whether we call them lies, these are the things that I think this technique is handy. There are other clearings of let’s get rid of anything that I believe that no longer serves me. You can say, “Let me make a list the same.” The same thing that you’re talking about.
There’re other clearings. There’re things to do once you realize that then we can move forward. This idea of who I’m meant to be, who you’re meant to be is all that you want to be without restrictions. This idea of the Bethany cloud, that without restrictions and the restrictions may have been learned a misinterpretation of something that was presented as a kid. Kids don’t always understand what’s going on. Some adult may say something and they learned some life lesson that is wrong, baseless and doesn’t serve them. It was their interpretation based on their understanding. When we think about who we’re meant to be, we’re meant to be the best of everything that we want to be without limitations and the limitations are lies. Let’s start clearing those.
I can’t agree more. A simple idea of this is when I work with the coaches, when I’m teaching coaches to be coaches, we’ll be in a circle group, it’s now 100% online, but having them speak one thing to someone. If I say one thing, maybe having raised five children made this clear. When you have twenty people in front of you, you say something, one statement, and you ask everyone to write down what their perception of that statement is. It is unlikely that there will be 2 or 3 that are even the same. Depending on what it is you’re saying. Even knowing that it’s like, “How awesome is that?” We can expand our perceptions. We can expand instead of contract and say, “I’m right. My perception is right.” Of course, your perception is right. How can we join these perceptions and make it a big, beautiful, bright planet that exceeds the sun with its brightness versus drawing in and being afraid because someone thinks differently or you think differently?
One of the interesting things is that learning the boundaries allows us to function in the boundaries so we need to learn them, but we need to forget them. Anybody who is an artist of any type of musician, a writer, a painter, or anything like that, they all go through the process of learning all the rules. Then the most creative let go of the rules. You look at Picasso and you look at his early work when he’s a teenager and it was gorgeous. It’s beautiful. Right up there with DaVinci, it is great art, and then having mastered that he went and became world-famous, breaking those boundaries. Breaking those boundaries not only in terms of artistic skills but also in breaking the boundary of time and space.
We find that with music too. There’s somebody who can make a hit that follows the formula. It becomes a number one seller around the world, but then someone else can take a song and completely break the boundaries of them. I know I heard an interview once and I can’t remember who it was but it was top-level musicians. It’s music from the ’60s and ‘70s. It was Bob Dylan who said when a new Roy Orbison song came on, all these great writers would stop and listen. Most rock songs were followed whatever formula and Roy Orbison would do one verse for the whole song, never come back.
He would do all these different boundaries, breaking things, which influenced all of them. Bob Dylan did different some of the greatest writers that stood out. They are the ones who know the rules and then ignore it. It’s all integrated inside this idea of what you’re saying is how can we make it work for all of us? I want to get to solutions three. How to move from fear to love? I know you offered that meditation that they can get from you.
I think that when we’re in a state of fear, first and foremost, we have to recognize that we’re there. A lot of times we might say, “No, I’m this,” or “No, I’m that.” We recognize the feeling of fear, and we might turn it into anger, into anxiety, or into it’s his fault or her fault, instead of pausing and saying, “I’m scared. I’m afraid.” That honest place of going, “I’m afraid, now what do I do?” I’m a visual person and the meditation is about visualizing how at any time in our lives, we can discover a state of love and change our state of being and remove the state of fear. We don’t need that. Fear does not serve us unless we’re running from a tiger. Even then we know what to do, we need to be afraid or we need to do it. The meditation is having you visualize the state where you are in fear and discovering a state that you can be in an existence and experience love throughout every cell in your body and even around you.
We’ll have everybody look forward to that. There’s an interesting thing that you said, there aren’t enough tigers to go around to chase all of us. I mentioned DNA changing for everyone on the planet. One of the things is the fight or flight response itself no longer serves humanity because that’s never appropriate anymore. That whole is being shifted out. I love what you’re talking about, changing from love to fear. The first thing when we’re in fear is, is it real? Is it true? The solution to the problem is there is no problem. What response, when someone cuts us off in traffic? We don’t need to fight or flight response. When we look at what we’re afraid of, am I really in danger?
What’s going on here? We can look back and say, “I’m afraid.” The first thing is, is this true? I feel uncomfortable. Maybe it’s indigestion. Maybe it is fear. Maybe it’s terror. Christian Mickelsen, all fears are fears of feeling, but we turn that around and we say, everything that you want, you want because of how it will make you feel. All of the goals that anyone has is to make them feel a particular way. If you can get that feeling first then you get to start to work with things. It’s interesting about turning things around Simon Sinek, I watched your talk that he talked about spending about six months, and over the six months, he watched a lot of interviews with sportspeople before or after the game. The intro always go, “Were you nervous?”It is never for us to judge what someone is or isn't doing. Click To Tweet
He noticed over six months that no one ever said yes. All of these professional athletes will always go, “No, I was excited.” He realized after about six months, a smart man, he said, “They didn’t say they were nervous. They said they were excited.” It’s a different interpretation. He said he was on a plane and the plane went into extreme turbulence. Everybody around him was freaking out and he decided to put this theory to the test and instead of going, “I’m terrified.” He said, “Isn’t this exciting?”
People pay lots of money to go to amusements, go to theme parks, go to amusement parks, to go on rides that give them this similar experience. As soon as he said, “Isn’t this exciting?” He said, he watched right around him, completely change how they were responding to the situation. When we look at how to turn fear to love, one of the first things is, who do I want to be? What do I want to experience? What’s being presented now? We talked about this. There’s a large percentage of people who are ill or in an unkind unpleasant situation in the world who don’t want to get out of it because who they want to be is somebody who gets a lot of sympathies. What they want to experience is that sympathy is that compassion, is that whatever, and that’s not a bad thing. We’re not passing judgment on it either.
There’re all kinds of stories about homeless drug addicts who are this is their R and R time from something that they had done in the angelic wars or something. This is going take a lifetime off and chill and don’t do anything. We would look at them and say, “Why aren’t you working?” This idea of going to the Bethany cloud or the TED Talk that I talked about it where the pro the procrastinators were more creative. They did many studies on this. The people who didn’t jump in, deal with it right away had better, more creative solutions than the people who did jump right away than the people that waited until the last second. It dropped back down. They weren’t creative either because they’re panicking at the end.
I knew some of what you spoke. I am a procrastinator. I often have never thought that that’s the word I would put to it. It’s the word my dad used to give me. He meant it in all love, but it’s because I was thinking and I was processing. It wasn’t me thinking, it was me connecting to higher thought. When I was young, I didn’t know what that was. I didn’t know that that’s what I was doing.
I thought it was interesting that this gentleman and the talk use the term procrastinator because like you, I’m working on it. I may be sitting under a tree in a field and from your outside perspective, I’m watching butterflies drooling, but something is going on. There’s a technique that I heard some seminar long ago. The technique was to give your problem to God. That’d before you go to bed, say, “This is my problem. Please work on it all night.” When you wake up in the morning, you get the solution there. Hopefully, the solution is there.
We all know the phrase, “Eureka,” but do you know where that came from? It was from Pythagoras. He was a mathematician in Greece. Somebody gave the King an elaborately designed crown. The King wanted to know how much gold was in it and he went to Pythagoras and said, “Tell me how much gold was in this. I need to know.” Pythagoras was trying to do basically on the level of geometry and volume, trying to figure out the mathematical formula to figure out how much gold was in this crown. He was going nuts and finally one day he was like, “Put it aside.” He went to take a bath and as soon as he got in the tub, some of the water splashed out. He realized that’s how you would figure out what it was that you could take a container with a known volume, put the crown in whatever splashed out was how much was the crown was. He was excited about it that he jumped out of the tub and ran naked straight into the street screaming, “Eureka.”
Many people will say that they solve the problem when they stopped thinking of the problem when they’d let it go. I agree with you. I don’t think procrastination is an accurate description of it. It’s an outside observer not seeing what’s going on within you, then deciding that they need to name it and then pass judgment on it. There’s some successful businessman who said, “When I want something done, I give it to a lazy person because they’re going to find the most effective, efficient way to get it done the quickest because they don’t want to work.” It’s like, “How can I get this done quickly and go back to whatever it is that I’m doing?”
The potential for the world, as I’m sure you know, is much more loving, kinder and sweeter. I was thinking about this that the last part of high school for me and it’s the first part of college was a fabulous time in my life. Everything worked out for me. I was in love and listening to my job was working in a record store, playing all my favorite music all the time, and flirting with whoever came in. I lived in a great situation and no one was giving me grief. I didn’t have any big problems in life. It was a wonderful way to be and then I learned. I have to go and get a job.
There are all these expectations of society. I procrastinating or was I doing what I was supposed to do or whatever. I remember thinking that if the conditions of that worry-free life hadn’t ended because I learned that I had to have a job. I moved into a part of my life where society said, “You now have to do this.” That would be an amazing life and that’s a life that everyone on Earth can have because we have countries like Bhutan, who now evaluate the effectiveness of their government by gross national happiness. How many people in the country are happy at a high level of happiness? If they are, then the government feels they’re doing well and if they’re not, they need to fix that. They have all these rules or they’ve been completely organic.
Some 80% odd of the land has been declared that they will never be cultivated. It will always be natural and for us and all this. There are all these things. We get to create the world we want more intelligently and collectively, but much more than we realize. This idea of taking back our power and this idea of the solutions that you offer. How do we create a world within ourselves? How do we all have that Bethany cloud, the Bob cloud, the Peter cloud, or the mirror cloud? How do we all have that? Not as a cloud, but how do we dwell in that 24/7? I think a lot of the techniques and a lot of things that we’ve talked about are all about creating that life for every man, woman, and child on earth. One of the things that we thought that came up was no problem is solved by killing someone. We live in this world. What needs to be done for people to recognize that that’s going to come back and bite you in the ass if you do that? I’m wondering if I should say this one thing because I live an esoteric life as you well know.
I do know, I love your esoteric life. Feel free to say on my behalf.
There are different levels of creation and at different levels of creation, there are different hierarchy structures. There are a lot of people and as we talked about, is it true? On one level, we can look at what’s going on health-wise with Coronavirus. We can look at what’s going on with this law or that law politically or anything. People often say, “That’s because of X.” Whatever they say is because of X. If someone says, “I have a headache and it’s because I drank too much last night.” On the cellular level or the level of the liver or in the level of the nervous system is going, “I’m generating this particular symptom because chemically this imbalance is here.” They’re both true on their level, but it’s what level you’re looking at.
I had a friend that I got to go to a meeting that existed on a higher plane where the souls of a lot of the major business players of this planet, we’re called to this meeting by the divine to address what was going on in the world. They had been addressed a number of times including some of the wealthiest people, if not most of the wealthiest people on the planet, “You have the resources and that the solutions are there that you can eliminate 97% of the problems on the planet within a quick time. You can eliminate poverty. You can eliminate starvation. You can eliminate people not having access to water. All of this is available. You can eliminate pollution. You can clean up the atmosphere and all of this.”
For several previous times over more than a decade had been saying, “You guys should do this. Wouldn’t it be great if you do this one, this would be a better legacy than leaving more money than a thousand generations of your family could ever spend?” Finally, at this one meeting, the divine came down on these beings solid hard. They say in anger, “Every single day that you are talking to each of these people at the soul level, that you will personally experience the pain of everything that happened because of your policies. Every kid that starves to death, every family that’s torn apart through war, because you want to make profits because of oil and everything.” It went through all of the people that are dying, or have whatever this physical discomfort for however long they have it because you put chemicals in the water.
Started illuminating saying, “If you don’t change this now you will experience all of this for millions of years to come. You will experience every single one, every single bullet that hurts somebody, every single broken arm.” Emphatically said this to these beings. That was several years ago and I think some have changed. We talk about what is real and what isn’t. I’m not sure why that came up, but it came up. When we talk about who we want to be in what we want to explore, we have way more control over what our responses are. Do I want to yell now or do I want to laugh? Do I want to say, oops, and do I want to say for that other person who cut me off? I don’t even need to think about it. I can take that side of the brain. That’s doing all that and say, “Thank you.” We do it lovingly. You’ve worked hard for me for long, whether it be the intellect or the ego, or the mind going on or what’s the left brain or the left elbow or whatever it is. Thank you. You’ve been helpful to me for long.
You deserve a day off. You deserve a week off. Go to the beach and if you call to check up on me, I’m going to say, “No, just take time for yourself.” We lovingly allow ourselves to grow in a way that moves us in greater fullness, in greater attunement to whatever aspect of the divine warms us to wholeness of life, to joy, and to learn to share that with those around us. Those around us and then it gets bigger and bigger. We have an amazing planet and it’s doable. It’s going to happen. It’s inevitable. It’s a matter of how quickly.
I hope it’s sooner rather than later, but that’s my own. Not only have I always believed that you have taught me a great deal. All the work that you do and particularly the work that you’re doing through Peace and Harmony, I highly recommend to anyone because it’s not only transformed me and my life. It’s transformed what I do in my work.
That’s wonderful. Thank you for saying that. Anything else that I didn’t ask you, or that you wanted to bring out to people? Did you have a Eureka moment before or in the shower or during the call and say, “It turns out that if you go to these latitudes and longitude, there’s unlimited gold and diamonds?”
I did have a Eureka moment. I’ll say it quickly because I’m always trying to think of what’s the best way to present what I’ve been interested with. Love is love. Is it for me? I want to love everyone. I want the world to know and experience love in a way that perhaps they have or perhaps they never have so that they can that oops freedom that comes with that of being who they are being. In that, I was thinking about my coaching course. I train coaches and I bring in a lot of professional speakers who are amazing. I was thinking about this as a lot of the things that I offer there in that course, if somebody doesn’t want to be a coach, maybe I need to tweak this course so that it’s a being course or a course on self-love, self-healing.
Love yourself and the world.
Look for that because it’ll be becoming.
Bethany, thank you so much. It’s always a pleasure. Let’s see what happens with your relationship with your granddaughter. Have realized yet what that relationship is meant to be?
No, except that in this conversation I’ve thought I’m going to look at this as I’m taking a vacation. If the beaches are open, I’m going to go to the beach. I’m going fishing with my son. I’m looking forward to that. It’s going to be whatever it is. I don’t need to control it. I want to know her.
Instead of wanting to know her, just watch her. Let her be an independent flower in the garden and let you be a flower in the garden and enjoy watching that one bloom. That’s it.
Since you’re bringing this up, I’m assuming that’s not happening.
It is happening. That’s why we’re bringing it up.
That’s all I want with any of my grandchildren is that’s the best part about being a grandparent is you don’t have those parameters that you were taught that you needed to put on your children there. They’re all gone. You get to sit and let them be in it.When we let go and give others permission to be who they are, that space is created for love to fill. Click To Tweet
I’m going to tell you this one thing. You taught her all the lessons in a previous life, and she wants to show you that she learned them. If you interact with her and try to tell her stuff, she’s going to be annoyed because she wants to show you that she learned it.
I’ve been thinking about what you said and like, “What am I thinking?” I rarely tell my grandkids what to do except maybe two with your mouth closed because it annoys me. It’s the only thing I can think of, but she’s a baby. She’s little. I would allow for it, but I want that experience
Sometimes, watch from a distance and help from a distance and that’s the relationship this time.
It is anyway because of the distance.
Allow, send love and no strain about it, watching to discover. It will be interesting to see how she unfolds, but whatever she does, whatever she does.
That helps clarify and it took some worry away and I’ll enjoy that experience.
I’m here when you want me and in the meantime, just enjoy it.
I sent her all the time. Telling her that I’m here. I love you sending you to love. It’d be interesting to see who she’s becoming already.
We’re going to end another episode. The bottom line of this episode has all about allowing yourself to love yourself, to be yourself, to stop the eternal struggle within yourself, to be something that is not who you want to be. Bethany Perry has given us some great tools and techniques and you can get some cool things at her website, which is BethanyPerry.com and also WholeLifeHealingCoach.com. She’s got some freebies there. There’ll be a link on the homepage to go to it or they’d be to have the slash?
My website is being rebuilt. I can have her put it right.
Put a free thing or a pop-up window or something so some people can get that and tell them one more time what you want to give them.
It’s a meditation, releasing fear and receiving love.
Thank you all for reading. We also covered a bunch of other interesting stuff. Check out PeaceAndHarmonyCo.com. Get yourself one of the Peacemaker Systems because you can contribute to your piece. It’s an act that you can do that will help create heaven on earth. Help create peace in your neighborhood, reduce crime, reduce tension. These systems have done everything from stopped the people in the apartment upstairs from stomping around without ever addressing them to people feeling this bubble of peace and comfort as they approach their apartment building. Reducing crime in the neighborhood and up to averting of forest fires, tornadoes, and hurricanes and everything in between. People feeling like they have for those who meditate, that they have the best meditations ever when they do it around these systems, all kinds of exciting results.
Feeling calmer and safer and more at peace. I encourage you to get them and they’re on sale at PeaceAndHarmonyCo.com. Go there and check it out. We’ll catch you next time on the next episode. Bethany, thank you so much at thank you for reading. Subscribe, share it with your friends, and put a comment about how much you love or even questions about what you’d like us to cover. Let us know, reach us. David@PeaceAndHarmonyCo.com if you want to email. Thank you so much.
- Bethany Perry
- Dr. Daniel Amen
- International Association of Health Coaches
- Conversations with God
- Christian Mickelsen
- Simon Sinek
About Bethany Perry
Bethany is owner and founder of InnerSource Health & Wellness who is well known as an emerging thought leader on combining the power of neuroscience, nutrition, mindfulness & yoga. She transforms the lives of women and men utilizing these 4 Pillars to create whole life healing for her clients. Bethany has dedicated over 30 years of her life’s work to helping people discover freedom from emotional traumas of their past or present by creating a non-judgmental space where intentions can be made and plans created that allow lives to change and blossom. She specializes in weight loss, stress, anxiety, and ADD/ADHD ~ all with the commonality of an underlying cause of trauma.Bethany has created the non-profit ‘Whole Life Healing Centers’ to bring healing into the lives of Veterans, survivors of abuse including human trafficking, and many others suffering from PTSD. She has also created ‘Whole Life Healing Coach’ course empowering each student to transform their life as well as the lives of others utilizing the foundations of neuroscience, nutrition, intuition, mindfulness & yoga.
Bethany is certified as a Neuroscience Life & Health Coach; Certified Daniel Amen Affiliated Educational Center; Brainspotting Practitioner; Certified in Transformational Coaching based on NLP methodology; Certified Yoga Instructor teaching locally; works with TBI clients; studies with Father Joe Pereira from Goa, India to teach yoga for Addiction and PTSD. (www.kripafoundation.org)
Bethany’s goal is to guide people through the many facets of life and to bring more depth and focus to the challenges we all can face. Drawing on her knowledge, she helps people to create a completely personalized “roadmap” to an Empowered Life that suits your unique body, lifestyle, preferences, and goals.
All our episodes are recorded using a sample of our peace and harmony program that can reduce tensions, end arguments, and create peace quickly. Try it for free at www.peaceandharmonydownload.com and enjoy your own pocket of peace!