Different leaders have different leadership styles. Some of the most driven and effective executives can sometimes strike people in the workplace as abrasive and disrespectful. They might be called bullies, jerks, and other pretty names. Most of the time, however, these leaders are merely doing what they think is best for the company. How can we help these leaders reflect on their leadership and communication styles and adopt something that promotes a more harmonious relationship with workers? This is the field of expertise of Jordan Goldrich, the co-author of Workplace Warrior: People Skills for the No-Bullshit Executive. With a 35-year experience as a chief operations officer, master corporate executive coach, professional certified coach, and licensed clinical social worker, he specializes in helping leaders achieve results while developing themselves and their relationship with their teams. Jordan shares some tips on how to do this as he joins David Adelson on the show. Don’t miss out on his giveaway – The Battle Plan, a 61-page excerpt from Workplace Warrior.
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How To: Drive Results And Maintain Harmonious Relationships In The Workplace With Jordan Goldrich
Welcome to another fun, delightful, informative and entertaining episode. We’re going to be talking about very effective executives, but sometimes maybe their workers feel that they’re a little abrasive or they’re complaining about the bosses or something. What we want to do is help them have an incredibly effective and harmonious relationship with the workers, so that everything moves forward comfortably and happily. With me is Jordan Goldrich. He helps executives have a better working relationship for more and better results. Welcome, Jordan.
Thank you. It’s a pleasure to be here.
Tell us in a heartbeat what we’re going to cover so that people know why they should stick around.
There are a couple of levels to it. On the top level is I help success-driven executives who take charge, lead their teams, accomplish the mission and drive results without damaging relationships. Sometimes because of their energy, these executives are perceived as abrasive or disrespectful. Sometimes they’re called names like bully and jerk. I think they’re very valuable. I call them workplace warriors.
To me, because I’ve been on both sides of that, it’s usually that they’re incredibly focused. Because they’re so focused with the object of what they’re trying to achieve, they forget that everybody else isn’t already in that same mindset and that they might be interrupting something. They’re focused on trying to get it done. I want to mention that this show is sponsored by PeaceAndHarmonyCo.com. We encourage people to buy peace. Because of the developments in quantum physics and in unified field physics, we now have devices that can sit on your counter, bookshelf, desk or dresser that physically generate peace for up to 30 square-miles around you and to tens of thousands of people. This is something that you can buy, have and create as much peace in your environment whether you want it for yourself, family, neighborhood, community, state, nation or the world.
I encourage people to not just look into it but to try it. The programs all have a three-day guarantee. If you get one of their systems, you try it for three days and you don’t notice anything, you send it back in new condition and they’ll give your money back completely, including shipping both ways. You have nothing to lose and you can have peace. People have been saying they want world peace for centuries and traditionally, we haven’t had that. This is a new and exciting time in the world that this is available. We can use these programs in the workplace as well.
I want to read a little bit more about Jordan’s bio. He helps executives perceived as bullies to drive results without damaging relationships. That’s a huge thing because of the phrase that it’s not personal, it’s business. I worked with a guy many years ago who wrote a book that said, It’s Not Business, It’s Personal. All business relationships are about personal. It isn’t that someone’s keeping score at some cosmic level and how much money you make is how things are balanced in the world. It’s what your relationships are. It’s what your moment-by-moment experiences are. It’s how much good you’ve done in the world, not how much money you’ve made. That idea of whoever dies with the most toys wins is not accurate.
I love this idea of workplace warrior for you. You believe that the warrior spirit of these executives is essential in our volatile complex world. Jordan challenges these particular types of leaders to become better warriors by adopting lesser-known elements of the Navy SEAL’s ethos. He is co-author of Workplace Warrior: People Skills for the No-Bullshit Executive. Jordan is a Chief Operations Officer, Master Corporate Executive Coach and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I think the first question is how does one recognize that one is what is perceived as a bully in the workplace? As far as they’re concerned, the bottom line is shining and they think they’re doing a good job. Let’s address that to start with.
It is difficult for them to realize that for a number of reasons. One of the reasons is that people don’t tell them. I do a lot of work with executives and often they’re referred by their VP of Human Resources or their boss. I’ll sit down with the boss or the VP and say, “What have you told them?” For a variety of reasons, they haven’t been direct. One of the reasons would be that they themselves are conflict avoidant. They may come from a family culture where everybody was quiet and nobody got in your face, as we say in New York. The other possibility is that you don’t get to be a senior executive who’s perceived as abrasive without being incredibly valuable. If you’re not incredibly valuable to the organization, the chances are pretty good that you’re gone at a much lower level.The leadership paradox: Leaders need to drive results but everybody should feel safe and accepted all the time. Click To Tweet
The fear is that if I anger this person or if I say something to them that offends them, they may leave. It’s a dilemma for human resources as well. That’s part of why they don’t hear it. The other reason that they don’t hear it is that they don’t hear it. They think that they’re getting pressured to be politically correct, overly polite and overly protective. The reactions to them are unreasonable and politically correct. I shared with you that I was one of those people. It took me to get a smacked in the head before I got it.
Ideally, you get to work with people and the Workplace Warrior becomes a bestseller. People start opening up to the concept the same way as many people started with the whole #MeToo Movement and everything. People start recognizing without it being brought to them from outside that maybe, “This thing is going on. Maybe I should double-check and I could ask people.” That’s an ideal thing. What happened to you? Because you got smacked in the head.
I grew up in a loud New York family in a city housing project in New York that was built for returning war veterans, so working-class people. I developed a very direct communication style, which for the most part worked for me while I lived in New York. I then moved to St. Louis and lived there for twelve years. I had to get what my boss called country lessons, “You can’t go around talking to country people like that, Jordan.” I had to learn how to say, “Hi, how are you?” Part of what I’m referring to here is that it’s cultural. People who come from certain nationalities, ethnic backgrounds and family cultures are more likely to speak very directly. What other people perceive as disrespectful, they go, “No, I’m talking.” It’s partly that as well.
What happened to me is partly because I like people and I knew I was annoying, I gave people permission to let me know. I told the administrative and the older staff where I was the Chief Operating Officer, “I know I come from New York and I know when I get heated, I sound disrespectful. If you think I’m being disrespectful to you, give me the timeout sign.” It was interesting that the professional staff never did it, but the administrative staff did on a regular basis. I promised them that I will do my best to change my style. I’m not promising anything, but I will never punish you for this. If you are one of those executives who’s getting that kind of feedback, that’s a great technique to use to acknowledge that you’re difficult and at least let people tell you or signal you. This worked until we sold the company and we were bought by a large insurance company.
About three and a half years into it, I got called down to my boss’ office and was told, “You’re being fired for mismanaging your budget.” That was a little strange because I knew there was something wrong with my budget. I kept trying to get a breakdown and I never got it, but they walked me out. The day after, I was in a coffee shop with the woman who had been my consultant from the finance function. She comes over to me and said, “Jordan, I owe you an apology.” I said, “Why is that?” She said, “Do you know how for the last three months you’ve been telling me there’s something wrong with your overhead and I’ve been looking at you like I don’t have a clue?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “Do you know how you twice asked me for a breakdown of your overhead and I never gave it to you?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “I knew what was wrong with your budget. I was told by our boss that if I gave it to you, I would lose my job.”
That was a little bit of a kick in the butt, but not so much because I knew that she wanted more deference for me. I knew I wasn’t giving it to her partly because I don’t have the energy to do it. I was working 60, 70-hour weeks, and partly because I didn’t respect her. I’d seen her do stuff like that before. I had a choice. I could feel victimized for the next ten years or I could do what I taught my counseling clients to do at the time. When my coaching clients have something like that happen to them, I told them, “You’ve got to focus on what happened. What did you control? Take that as an opportunity to learn rather than get angry about the stuff that you didn’t control.” At that point, I made a commitment that I was going to change my tone and my style.
There are a couple of thoughts that I have. One is you talk about the different cultures and you mentioned veterans. That kind of culture of being direct is essential in the military. People are trained to respond to it. People are trained from the word go and they get in to not take it personally because, at each additional level of management and rank, these people are responsible for a bigger picture than what the privates and ensigns see. They learn and they don’t take it personally. They’re not getting yelled at because they messed up. They’re getting yelled at because if they do that in a particular situation, many lives are in danger, not just one. I love this idea of a warrior because if we think of an ideal manager, he takes to heart whatever level is below him. He wishes well for everyone, for the customers or whoever they’re serving. He wishes well for his people, but he can get caught up again from cultural and whatever. He is doing something that in this day and age is no longer considered appropriate.
The timeout technique works great if someone knows it. What if someone doesn’t know it? I’m looking at this in a couple of ways. One is that people reading could have a boss like that. Maybe we can give them some suggestions on how to address that. The other is if you don’t think you’re a boss like that, you can still ask. What can you do to find out if you’re that way? Because you’re exactly right, the top salespeople who are very productive and essential, the heads of the company will bend over backwards to let them do their thing. In the case of the sexual thing that went on groping actors, actresses and people in work, the top people would look the other way and sometimes try to buy people off rather than lose their productive person.
There are a couple of levels to what you’re talking about. I’ll let you know what they are and let me know which one you think is more interesting. The first one is back to the military and how they speak in the military, that’s cultural. It’s absolutely true that it’s not okay in our culture. On the other hand, we have paradoxical communications in our leadership culture. One is that everybody should feel safe, comfortable and accepted all the time. You hear that a lot from the top thought leaders. The other one is that leaders need to drive results. Both of those things are true. It would be wonderful if everybody could feel safe and comfortable all the time. It would also be wonderful if leaders could drive results and there’s some paradox.
Twenty percent or so of the workforce has some psychiatric disorder or personality disorder. There’s about 20% of people out there who were working and no matter what you do, they don’t like you before you walk in the room. There’s another group of people out there who aren’t motivated, who are motivated to do the least you can do. Someone who’s an objective third-party observer would watch how that person says that you need to work harder or you need to do more. They get complaints from that. A large percentage of those, when investigated, it’s found that they broke no law, they did not break company policy and there was nothing wrong with it.
We have this interesting dilemma out there around directness versus indirectness. Some of the most toxic environments I’ve come across are environments where everybody is very polite and nobody disagrees. If you say something that somebody doesn’t like, they don’t say anything about it, but you get more generalized behind your back. We don’t talk about that very much. I’m not sure which one it is. Part of why I’m enjoying this conversation is I don’t know the answer, but I want to raise what I consider a unique perspective, which is it’s not just about those people changing how they behave. It’s also about how everybody else sees it.
That’s why in the Peace and Harmony Company, we have programs that you can play in the office that dissolve stress intention. One of the things that anybody will tell you is a clear-thinking person who’s feeling good within themselves is going to make better decisions. He is going to be more productive than somebody who’s stressed out, tied their shoelaces together and is trying to run. These are great programs at PeaceAndHarmonyCo.com. We even have samples that people can try in an office before they get a system if they want to try it out. The thing is there are these situations and there are a couple of things that I know it’s not within your area of expertise. I can’t help but think for the people who are not motivated to work, could we set up society so they don’t need to work and not necessarily berate them for not working?
This comes from Buckminster Fuller, who was a big thought leader and developer in the ‘70s. He said at that time that the paradigm needed to change and that everybody needed to work because we don’t have enough jobs. His figures back in the 1970s were that only about 1 in every 10,000 people needed to work to take care of the food, clothing, building the cars and everything. I think that figure that someone else came up with that shows up in Conversations with God in the ‘90s, his God says at that point that it’s only about 1 in 100,000. We have a lot of people who are culturally antagonized if they don’t have a job or berated for not having a job. Truthfully, it doesn’t help the society that they do have a job but we’re not willing to let go of that paradigm. What are your thoughts on that whole concept?
My major thought is that I’m not qualified to discuss it. I know who Buckminster Fuller is. I studied with one of his students for a while. I don’t know enough about it to comment. I’m an independent political capitalist and I’m not connected enough to argue that. Let me bring in a side discussion to that. People who are experienced as abrasive often think, “If everybody were like me, we would get a lot more done.” There is legitimate research that shows that’s not true. One of my favorite pieces of research is called the Badass Chickens. I forget who did the research but you can Google it. This was a guy who bred chickens. He was trying to figure out how to breed chickens so that they would lay more eggs.
He did two different cases. In one case, he had 6 to 8 chickens in a cage. He would take the chickens that laid the most eggs, put them in another cage and then breed them. Then the chickens that laid the most eggs. In another one, he took the groups of chickens that laid the most eggs regardless of whether there were chickens in the cage that laid no eggs whatsoever, and if that group turned out more eggs. What he discovered was after about 6 or 7 generations, the chickens that he had been weeding out that laid the most eggs were now tearing each other apart. The other groups were laying more and more eggs and that worked. The model there is that there were chickens who were not egg layers, but they did something else in the group to support the egg layers.
There’s a bunch of Google research on teams that said that the most effective high-performing teams are the teams where everybody can be themselves and talks about equally. Some of those teams were loud and disrespectful to each other. Others were very quiet and polite to each other. The key was that everybody was being themselves. They didn’t have to force themselves to be something that they’re not and everybody got to contribute about equally. That goes back to this whole conversation about what are we promoting about harmonious workshops. I’ve listened to some of your material on quantum theory in science. I was hoping I could learn something from you as well. What fascinates me is, is it possible in your theory for somebody to be animated and yelling at each other but be common in the zone?
Absolutely, that can happen and experientially, I know people who have had that experience. The thing is that my background includes a lot of study of consciousness. It’s decades of long meditations of the TM technique and its advanced programs of TM-city of which there is extensive research on brainwave and other physiology that happens. I lived in Fairfield, Iowa, where there was a group of about 2,000 people who are doing meditations together a couple of times a day for increased efficacy for their personal development and to generate harmony in the world. There have been 38 published studies that show that a group of people getting together and doing TM and it’s advanced program TM-city together actually affect the environment. They’ve used it in war zones to reduce deaths. They’ve used it to reduce insurance claims. I’ve seen it affect the weather.Culture drives performance and success. It's not just about results. Click To Tweet
For someone who has been doing a self-development program like TM, that takes them to that source of consciousness within which is deeper than thought. It goes beyond thought. There’s a junction between waking, dreaming and sleeping. Between any of these three states of consciousness, there’s a very momentary and almost unrecognizable gap for most of us that are neither one nor the other. Its infant testimony is small but that’s the state of consciousness itself. Consciousness itself underlies all the other different states of waking, dreaming or sleeping. That’s a state that is silent but yet fully awake within itself.
If we can think of a movie screen if we go to the theater, if we walk into the theater and the previews are playing. It goes straight from the previous into the ad to buy popcorn in the lobby, then it goes right into the movies. We get caught up in the movie. All the sounds that we’re hearing and all the colors at the moment on the screen, we think that’s all there is. We take that to believe this is what’s going on, but if we stick around afterwards, we notice that all of that’s happening on a white screen. Without the white screen, we wouldn’t be able to have the clarity and the experience that we have with the white screen. The movie, all the colors and the bullets flying, the flames going up, the people jumping in the water, water skiing or surfing that we’re watching on the screen can only able to take place by virtue of the white screen underneath. This is an analogy.
The ability for any of us to have any experience is based on consciousness itself. It’s based on us being awake in some form or other. Even dreaming is a lively state of consciousness and in sleep, we know nothing. What one can develop through long-term meditation or short-term, depending on where they’re starting with, is that ability to have a calm inner silence underlying all experiences. I have a good friend who had a very clear experience of what we call higher states of consciousness, which is as if we’re watching ourselves do things. The term is often called witnessing but it’s not active like that. It’s just that it’s going on and where there. It’s a very wonderful and blissful experience.
This one friend of mine told me that, and we’re answering the question, “Can someone have inner calmness in there?” He said, the first time he had a clear experience of a higher state of consciousness was when he was furious and yelling at his parents who had done something that upset him about his kids. At that moment, he’s completely yelling at them. They’re looking freaked out and terrified that he is so mad at him. He’s thinking inside the whole time, “This is the coolest thing ever. I don’t feel upset but this upset is coming out. I’m feeling good. I’m feeling clear.”
We think about the Samurai, the historic Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita or all these other great warriors throughout time. They had instilled within them that ability to focus so sharply that what was going on around them didn’t disturb that inner silence. That’s what the whole Bhagavad Gita is all about. I don’t know the names of particular things, but I know there are a lot of books that talk about the Eastern philosophies of being a warrior and everything involved in developing this inner skill as primary. It can be developed.
Certainly, I have not meditated at the level that you have, but I’ve been exposed to meditation for many years and I do some practice. I’m very inconsistent. I’m also a therapist, I’ve got the training and the current level of understanding about our neural pathways and all of that. It’s not unusual for me in terms of working with people, whether it’s fear, anger or whatever. Whatever triggers that, there’s a bunch of neural pathways in your brain that fire partly from genetics and partly from practice. Let’s take somebody who’s abrasive. You could see millions of neurons firing in a pattern and the metaphor is it’s like you’re driving at 150 miles an hour on the Autobahn and a deer steps out in the road. You smashed it and you decide, “I’m not going to smash it again.” You’re doing 150 miles an hour. You don’t even have a split second to stop so that it would be like, “The next time I get annoyed, I’m not going to start cursing or whatever.” It’s not going to happen.
You’re not going to get rid of that set of neural pathways. You have to practice and develop another set. Part of that is learning how to calm yourself through meditation, breathing, breath awareness and some of the other things. Part of that is then practicing on the side, “How could I have looked at this differently? What could I have said differently?” That’s a very big piece of what executive coaching is for somebody who makes a decision that they want to change their style. It’s to figure out what is it that got triggered and then also, what else could I have said? What other perspectives? The more you practice that, the more you’re building this other set of neural pathways. It’s almost like exercising and building muscle.
You’re retraining your system to have a different response, which I love because one of the things that I teach in the work that I do is that we’re all our own responsibility. It’s up to us to choose who we want to be, what we want to be and to own that. Without fully understanding that when I was a kid, there’s a movie called Harvey with James Stewart. I don’t know if you remember it. He plays Elwood P. Dowd and his best friend is a 6’3” invisible rabbit named Harvey. You should see it. It’s absolutely delightful. They’re drinking buddies. The whole thing is that this character has a great evenness about him, not flowery poetry but a sweet way of expressing himself.
At one point, somebody asked him how come he’s the way he is? He’s very open with everybody he meets. It doesn’t matter if you’re a top business executive, a governor or somebody homeless, he gives him his card and says, “Come to dinner and let’s go have a drink.” He’s very sweet to everybody. The basic premise of the movie is that his sister is from high society. She’s tired of having to justify her brother being the way he is. She wants to put him in a psychiatric hospital. He’s happy to do it if it will make her happy. There’s this whole big thing. At one point, somebody asked him why he’s the way he is. He said, “When I was young, my mother used to tell me, ‘Elwood, in this world, you need to be ‘Oh, so smart’ or ‘Oh, so pleasant.’” He said, “I spent 35 years being smart. I recommend, pleasant.”
The reason that I mentioning this is there were about 3 or 4 scenes and the way he handles himself in those scenes melt my heart. They were wonderful. I remember as a kid watching this and I’m about 7, 8, 10. I think, “I want to be like that. I want to have that happen to me.” To some extent, maybe it has but I also grew up with a very volatile Italian mother. I have that patterning within and I’m very aware that there are situations where I have not handled it as lovingly or tactfully as I could have. This idea of it’s up to us to choose who we want to be and we can include the goals of, “It’s not just that I want my team to give the numbers, but I want the results. I also want my team to be happy. I want them to love coming to work. I want them to go home as stress-free as possible.” Regardless of what number or whether we aggressively or actively see that we’re responding in this way, we can look at others around us and say, “When I look at the people that work under me, did they look happy at the end of the day?”
In my experience personally, it didn’t matter to me. What mattered to me was getting stuff done. Also, what didn’t matter to me was I came from a family where my uncle was a psychiatrist and we were very direct with each other. I remember being twelve years old and deciding it’s time for me to put out a political opinion and see more. He looked at me and said, “Jordan, you’re a moron.” I didn’t think for one second that he thought I was a moron. I thought that was the way my family said, “You haven’t thought this through.” One of the things that are coming to mind at the moment is I have a business partner who was raised by a Mexican mother and a Dutch father. We get on the phone and we’re very loud with each other.
After listening to it for a couple of years, my wife once said to me, “Every time you’re on the phone with Eric, I think that’s it. You’re leaving the company. Somehow or another, you met miraculously and end up coming to conclusions, thanking each other and all of this.” We’re just talking to each other. There’s that element to it. I do think that one of the things that hard-driving people need to get is that culture drives performance and success. Part of that is the satisfaction, as you’re saying. I’m in complete agreement with you. They have to get that. It’s not just about results. If you’re just focusing on results, you’re going to probably lower results.
It’s like that chicken thing. When you talk about the groups wherein that group that does better, maybe there are chickens that are not even laying eggs. Maybe there’s that guy in the office environment that all he or she does is go around to everybody and show them the funny YouTube clip or meme that showed up on their computer. All he does is break their tension several times every day so that they’re relax and a little bit more content and they can make smoother decisions. Maybe that’s his function and it’s not that he ever fails out to report.
Building on what you’re saying, the other piece is I got some training in what’s now called Lean Six Sigma. At the time, it was Continuous Process Improvement. W. Edwards Deming was the person who invented that. He was the consultant to Toyota. The person that I studied with knew Deming in his later years as he was passing away. He told me that on his deathbed, Deming said that 95% of what goes wrong is because of the system. Most executives who are frustrated, angry and whatnot feel like the problem is that people aren’t implementing and they don’t get it. Behind that, and I had that experience of realizing that a good part of the reason that my staff wasn’t performing the way I wanted them to perform is I didn’t understand the system. I wasn’t listening to them when they tell me what wouldn’t work.
A funny story was I knew Louis. I was the best man at his wedding. Louis was a 6’5” consultant with Rawr Industries and Continuous Process Improvement. He started talking to me about this and I got excited about it. He came on and I hired him as my executive coach. He started telling me, “You’ve got to have this conversation and that conversation.” I hadn’t quite gotten it yet because he was polite. Somewhere about three months into it, he sat me down one day and said, “Jordan, I get it. You’re not going to have all these conversations.” I said, “Okay.” He said, “You are going to do one thing. Before you tell anybody to do anything differently, they get to tell you why it won’t work. If you’re going to tell the garbage man to pick up the garbage differently, the garbage man gets to tell you why it won’t work. If you’re going to tell the receptionist to answer the phone differently, the receptionist gets to tell you why it won’t work. If you don’t do that, two things are going to happen. One is I’m going to quit and the other one is I’m going to smack you in the head.”
I knew he didn’t mean that but it was the first time I heard it. I’m saying this in this way because for the executive VP of human resources who are being nice, you have to be direct with people like me. I got it and I started doing that. Lo and behold, I discovered that a lot of the stuff that was going wrong was because I had ordered them to do it. They didn’t want to argue with me and they were doing workaround. They were committed to doing what was right that even though I was ordering them to do something that didn’t work. I started saying, “I’m thinking about doing this. Tell me why it doesn’t work.” Six months later, they were coming in and telling me how they fixed everything. It was quite amazing. I can’t remember why I broke off into that tangent there.
I totally get it because first of all, the people who are rising to that level of management that we’re talking about tend to be pretty sharp. There’s a Vedic expression, which is from Veda that says, “The world is as we are.” We tend to think that everyone else thinks as we do, that everyone else is as smart as we are, and that everyone else sees things the way that we see things. There’s a wonderful example that one of my faculty did in a class one day. He said is, “We look around and we think that everybody sees the world the way that we do.We're all our own responsibility. It's up to us to choose who we want to be and to own that. Click To Tweet
If we look at a frog or a toad, we think that it sees the brown bark of the tree, the green grass, the pretty colored flowers, the leaves, the clouds, the sun and all that, but it doesn’t. All of that toad or frog can see is dark, light and small dark specks moving against the light, which it takes to be food and it tries to eat. This is true, they’ve done studies where if you take a frog and put a pile of dead flies right in front of it, which is what it needs, it will starve to death because it doesn’t know that’s food. It doesn’t have the receptors to see that you’ve given it all this food. It’s not a black speck moving on a light thing. We then take that and we alternate it and look at the most brilliant people of society like Socrates, Plato and all of these great philosophers or Christ and Muhammad, and all of these throughout history. We think of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi of TM or Yogananda, who did his thing. I’m here in Encinitas, so he’s got a big thing here. There are many great teachers throughout time. We think that they’re looking at the world the way that we are. They’re not and they’re seeing something vastly different.
The reason I’m bringing this up about management is because as a manager and even as a parent, with the kids or talking to the teachers in school or talking to somebody in the shop, we’re all like, “Why don’t you do it this way?” We see a sharp, simple and easy way to do it. Instead, our three-year-old is not doing it that way. We’re like, “What’s the matter with you? You’re a moron,” and it’s not. One of the things that leadership needs to recognize is you’re a leader for a reason. Own that you have qualities that have put you in this position that others don’t have and give them the benefit of the doubt, which is what you’re talking about when you ask them why it won’t work or ask them for their ideas, “Here’s a problem. What are your ideas?”
The reason for doing all this and the reason I get excited about it is because working as a team, working with a common goal, working with everybody being equal, respecting each other equally, having equal say and clear thinking gets so much more results than worrying about, “You wore sneakers or tennis shoes to work in your business suit? We can’t have that.” It’s like sending us home from school when we were kids because we didn’t fit the dress code as if, “What’s going on here?” I want to cover because we’ve talked about this at the beginning, give me three steps that you would recommend to somebody who recognizes that they have this problem. We’ve talked to some examples of things. Once you give me three things, then we’ll talk about where they can go to get your book and how to find out more about working with you or whatever else you’d like to say.
The first one is you have to make a commitment to change. That’s not so easy because everybody like me and most people have conflicting messages in their head. On the one hand, “I should treat everybody respectfully and nicely.” On the other hand, “This is a bunch of politically correct bull. Why can’t you handle it? What’s the matter with you?” Somewhere along the line, you need to find an authentic reason why you would make that change. For me, it was the realization that I said I’ve been taught before about this. I did have the message in my head from my parents that people should be treated with respect and I didn’t want to feel victimized for the next ten years.
For instance, I have worked with executives who are very devout Christians. I’ve asked them, “What do you believe in? What is your core purpose?” We explore it and if they believe that God is acting in their life, one of the questions might be, “Is it possible that your higher power or your God put you here in the midst of all of these lazy shiftless people so that you could develop love, respect, forgiveness and compassion?” I’ve had people say, “I’m out of alignment with my core values.” The change begins and then you have to work on the neural pathways. That’s the course. The first thing is finding an intrinsic reason why you should change. The second piece is you have to do what I refer to as internal market research.
Jordan, we all know how hard it is to change even when we’re highly motivated, someone who’s trying to gain weight, lose weight, get put in an exercise routine, even when we do it. I love that idea of, “Am I out of alignment with my core values of who I want to be?” As more people wake up and become in alignment, a lot of this is going to start shifting. People need to ask for help sometimes when they’re trying to make this change as well. It means bringing in your team, “I’m committing to make this change. Here’s why I appreciate you, guys.” It’s the timeout thing that you talked about, “Let me know or give me suggestions about how I can change it.” At the Peace and Harmony, we’ve developed 700 programs that are all quantum and unified field based infused. It all works at the fundamental levels of creation to make change effectively.
Think about it as we’re going to make a change in the sap of the flower so that the flower changes. We’re going to make changes in the seed so that the tree that comes out is different. One of our whole thing from the word go is recognizing how hard it is to change. All of our programs are based on absolutely effortless being able to use them. You look at a picture. You play a silent video in the background. You take a couple of drops a few times a day and to make that change effortless. Anybody who’s committing to make changes, I’m going to suggest check out our website. Chances are we have something in there that can help make that change more effortless. What we like to say is instead of fighting the darkness, just turn on the light or flip a light switch.
I want to encourage people that have made that commitment to change, which the driving point is the intention, and then to make it as effortlessly as possible by getting help and by learning tech. Surprisingly enough, dietary changes can help mellow your mood. Explore all the things that keep the intention and let the intention drive your actions. Let them drive who you’re trying to become like me trying to become James Stewart in that movie. Let that intention and the neural pathways, that can be worked on too but don’t get caught up in, “I need to fix the neural pathways,” and get caught up in the vision of who you want to be.
I am totally with you on that. One of the things that I find is I’m qualified to introduce people to meditation and breath awareness, but I’m not qualified to take them further. I often make referrals for that. I became interested in your program as I was reading to some of your podcasts. To prepare myself for your audience, I listened to some of your podcasts and I downloaded your free silent peace and I’ve been listening to it. I’m not sure what difference it’s made yet, but it’s very interesting to me. It’s very consistent with what my understanding of the sciences is, that there’s been a great deal of research done on using functional magnetic resonance imaging machinery from our top neuroscientists on the brains of people who meditate. There are real differences in the brains of people who meditate from those who don’t. That is one of my steps. You need to do something to learn how to calm yourself down and how to get into that state that you’re describing. That is definitely one of the steps.
Maybe it’s as simple as when you start finding yourself getting mad, have a cup of tea. Have something to get you out of that moment enough to regroup and see where you want to go forward. I want to support that idea that the commitment comes first, the intention comes first. Another thing that I know, and I’m sure you cover it when you’re coaching, is finding examples to emulate. Find people who get it right.
You’re absolutely right. That is the 5th or 6th, find people who do it well, find an internal mentor. Talk to them. It’s not so much about what you are doing or what you say, but what’s your mindset? Who is it that you relate to that person that I want to slap and you are nice to them? How do you think about it? Find out what the mindset is.
It’s literally watching them over and over again with the intention of, “I’d like to have that effect. I’d like to have that relationship.” Figuring it out is not always as important. It’s just he did this and memorize the lines, memorize the attitude, not through the memorization process, but by seeing it over and over again. There was a study done at some college, I don’t remember where but some sports teams. I heard about it in the mid-‘80s. They were back at spring training from whatever sport it was. We’ll say tennis, I don’t know what it was. They broke the team into three groups. One group went out and did the 2 or 4 hours a day of practice that they had always done.
Another group watched videotapes of people getting it exactly right. They’re getting the backhand or the forehand exactly right. They watched that over and over again for 45 minutes a day. The middle group did a little of both. They would practice for an hour and they’d watch some video of it. The question is what group improved the most? It was the group that did the video and the practice. They improved by 96%. They had improvement. What was interesting is the group that only watched the videos came in only 3 or 4 points below that at 93% improvement. The group that went out and practiced every day and did it every day, they were in the 60% to 70% range.
It’s this idea of finding and emulating. I love what you said about what’s the mental process that’s going on with this person that’s letting them not blow up at this person that I wish I had a hatchet? How do you do that? Even more powerful is watching them do it with that clear intention that, “I want that relationship and effect. I want my people to go home at the end of the day to be able to be loving to their family, not to go home and want to kick the dog, or need to have fifteen drinks before they can calm down.” To lead with intention is immensely powerful, to focus on that and to commit to it. That’s the first thing. What was the second thing you want to bring up?
The second thing is what I refer to as internal market research. The term that is used in executive coaching is feedforward. Feedback is, “What did I do in the past that was good or bad?” Feedforward is, “I have a goal. What should I do so that you would rate me higher on that goal?” This comes from one of the most recognized coaches in the world whose name is Marshall Goldsmith. He’s written several books. The two that have been the most impactful for me. One is called Triggers and the other is it’s fourteen principles and things you have to change. If you google Feedforward, he’s published all of his stuff, it’s open to the public.
Feedforward is let’s say you were my employee. I would come to you and say, “Thank you for giving me the feedback on my 360 and talking to my coach. I’ve got a bunch of feedback that I can be experienced as disrespectful and even a bully. That’s not my goal. I want to have respectful relationships.” I would then say, “Do you think I’m working on the right thing?” You would say yes or no. Let’s say you say yes. At which point I would say, “What would you want to see me say, do and act? What actions should I take in the next six months so that you would say that I’d gotten a lot better?” Their goal is to sit there and take notes. They’re not allowed to argue.
They’re going to hear stuff that they would never do. They’re allowed to say something like, “How would you say that?” This is the most dangerous part that people then say to them, “Do you know when you’re in a meeting like you were with that guy, Jeff, and you said something? I wouldn’t say that.” “What would you say?” The tendency at that point is to say, “If you don’t get it, I’ve had nine conversations. I can’t do that.” After you’re done with those interviews, part of what has happened is you have now acknowledged to everybody that you know you’re difficult. That changes how people perceive you.Lead with intention. Click To Tweet
Secondly, you’ve demonstrated humility and courage, and that will change. If you change nothing, they would rate you differently. If you then start doing some of the stuff that they suggested, it makes a huge difference. It’s not that you have to become the Buddha or Jesus. You have to change 10% to 15% of your communication style. It’s more about changing your relationship, acknowledging and being humble than it is about anything else. At a certain point, with a 10% to 15% change, people begin to accept you for who you are and they don’t have the same reaction anymore. The third piece that we’ve already talked about is practicing different ways of speaking. Those would be the three things.
This is immensely useful and practical. What’s the website we want them to go to?
I remembered Marshall’s book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.
That’s a principle that we talk about a lot. Steve Olsher has this podcast, Beyond 8 Figures. One of the things is when people are building their business and they’re getting up to eight figures, what got you to 6, 7 figures aren’t going to get you to 8, 9 figures. You have to completely change everything because if we look at Steve Jobs and Wozniak, they’re building this thing in their garage. They don’t get iPads and they don’t get to the level that they are now in the garage. They’ve got to change something. I love that idea.
If people would like a free copy of my book, it’s a digital copy. They can go to WorkplaceWarrior.com.
Tell them the name of your book and why they want to memorize it.
The name of the book is Workplace Warrior: People Skills for the No-Bullshit Executive. If they want to buy the hard copy, it’s a bestseller on Amazon. If they would like the digital copy or a complimentary, they can get it at WorkplaceWarrior.com.
Thank you so much for being here. The Peace and Harmony Download program that you’re playing isn’t designed to be listened to. It’s designed to play it in the background as you go about your day. The best way to check and see if it’s having an effect is to play it for a week, and then don’t play it for three days and see what your moods are like. Because it’s very subtle and very often when people first learn to meditate and they come back in after three months, and they would do a checkup and make sure everything’s going fine. We say, “What are you noticing?” They’ll say, “I’m not noticing anything and nothing’s happening to me but my wife is a lot nicer to me. The people at work are way kinder. My dog doesn’t bark at me as much or bite me anymore.” They name all these things around them, but they don’t get that it’s something within them. That can happen with our programs as well.
What I want to encourage is to play it in the background 24/7 for a week. If you don’t notice that you’re not getting as upset as much, that things are going smoother, play it while you’re on calls with your clients all the time. If you’re not noticing, if you’re not sure that something’s going on, that you’re calmer or more subtle, turn it off for two days and see what happens but notice it.
We have people who noticed it within seconds that, “This is staggering.” We then have people that play it because they at least intellectually understand that it could be doing some good in the world, but they may not particularly notice anything. One of the things that we’d like to point out is you don’t get upset about the accident that didn’t happen because you were doing something and you stayed calm. Thank you, Jordan, for being here. I hope you learned as much as you wanted to. We certainly learned a lot having you.
Thank you. It’s been a great conversation. I enjoyed getting into this with you. I want to further understand and read again your episode on quantum theory and how that relates. That’s important stuff.
There’s some other stuff on our YouTube channel which is Peace and Harmony CO. We have some other videos there as well. All of the episodes are there. We have, to be honest, more than 100 other ones that are not currently active, but we’ll be releasing those over time. There are some exciting things. For those who are interested in meditation, go to TM.org and that will give you a whole bunch about that. It’s not so much about the quantum stuff, but there are some interesting lectures by John Hagelin on YouTube. He’s a Harvard physicist and he talks a lot about consciousness and unified field theory.
Jordan, thank you very much. Have a great rest of the day. For the audience, Peace and Harmony download is where you can get the sample of the program that Jordan and I have been talking about. You want to get a big system to try the sample. If you notice something, imagine what a system that’s 10, 20, 30, 40, 1,000 or 10,000 times bigger could be like. That’s at PeaceAndHarmonyCo.com. If you like this episode, rate it, share it, give it five stars as for all our episodes and enjoy. We’ll see you next time.
- Jordan Goldrich
- It’s Not Business, It’s Personal
- Workplace Warrior: People Skills for the No-Bullshit Executive
- Conversations with God
- What Got You Here Won’t Get You There
- Beyond 8 Figures
- Peace and Harmony Download
- Peace and Harmony CO – YouTube
About Jordan Goldrich
Jordan Goldrich challenges executives who get called bully, jerk and other colorful names to drive results without damaging relationships. He is the co-author of Workplace Warrior: People Skills For the No-BullShit Executive.
Jordan leverages his background as a Chief Operations Officer, a Master Corporate Executive Coach, a Professional Certified Coach and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker to help experienced and developing leaders achieve results while developing themselves, their team and the next generation of leaders. Jordan is a partner in CUSTOMatrix, Inc., a business consulting firm whose mission is building healthy, growing and resilient businesses that deliver successful futures. He has over 35 years’ experience working successfully with Fortune 500 Companies, closely held and family owned business, government and non-profit organizations. He has 12 years’ experience as a senior executive coach with the Center for Creative Leadership.
His understanding of warriors is informed by his work with The Honor Foundation, a non-profit organization focused on helping Navy SEALs, Green Berets and the U.S. Special Forces Community transition to the civilian workforce. This volunteer work involves helping these elite veterans determine what will create meaning and value for them in the civilian world; translating their military leadership experience into civilian business terms and connecting them with his network of executive and business contacts.
As Chief Operations Officer of a healthcare company, Jordan was instrumental in creating an 800% increase in revenue over seven years, attaining a California Knox-Keene license and executing an acquisition by WellPoint Health Networks. He created a customer driven culture and utilized cross-functional team problem solving methods rooted in what is now known as Lean Manufacturing and Six Sigma or the Toyota Method.
Jordan is certified as a Master Corporate Executive Coach by the Association of Corporate Executive Coaches and a Professional Certified Coach by the International Coach Federation. He has a master’s degree in social work, a master’s degree in education (counseling) and is a California Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
All our episodes are recorded using a sample of our peace and harmony program that can reduce tensions, end arguments, and create peace quickly. Try it for free at www.peaceandharmonydownload.com and enjoy your own pocket of peace!